Friday 19 July 2013

I Slept with an Open Eye: Pragya

My old life has vanished in the flames of acid now I fight everyday to recover from it and become a normal woman. In dreams I see my old face in mirror, scared of pimples and afraid that i will have a sunburn. Experimenting with so many beauty products for pimples, fairness. But now I don't fight with beauty products. I fight to look normal without eyebrows, no can I look?

People always look back. They always turn around to look. Some kids shout, some ask their mother what happened, some follow, some hide. Once a kid in my neighborhood said she hates me. She doesn't like my face, my eyes, my lips, my hand...she said I am yuck! But today also I feel like a normal girl and the same Pragya from inside. Then why are people not being normal to me?

Sometimes I think of my last hours in Banaras. I was very happy, happier than ever in my life. My parents were so proud and happy. I got married to the kind of person I always wanted to. He is just like my father. I was so content, so happy. I visited so many temples in 2 days of my visit to Banaras. I thanked God for giving me all the happiness. I just could not ask for more. Very soon i will get a job and will make my own family.

Today also when i think of those times, I feel so happy and content. But why me? Why God chose me to face all this? What that person thought of when he decided to throw acid on me? Didn't he ever think of the pain me and my family will have to bear? He also had his family, his wife. Did he ever thought of them? Did he had a heart or mercy in his heart? I respected him so much. My only intention was to make everyone happy at any cost. Whoever I know. Now I got a reward for that? Sometimes I think should I also be bad to people because people have never been nice to me. But when I see my husband and parents I cannot think of anything bad. God, they are ANGELS. They are such a beautiful human being and I am a part of them. I represent them. How can i do or think bad?

I understand why people are curious, i was curious too. When I came back from hospital after 3 months I didn't wanted to see the mirror. I told my brother to put a towel on the mirror. I avoided mirror for 4 months. I was so scared. Will I ever be normal? Will i ever be independent? When 1st time I saw myself completely I was scared going near to the mirror. MY FACE LOOKED OLD, AND UP CLOSE....AGELESS!!! A baggy neckline, thick crumbled lips, cheeks splotchy and rough. Where my right ear should be I had a pea size hole. My nostrils, so small that i could not breathe properly.

My eyelids had gone, nothing to cover my eyes. I slept with an open eye. Oh God hug me tight, I don’t want to break. Sometimes I think, what’s the point of fighting back? Because now I know I can never be well again. But then there's a hope. Hope to get happiness and spread the same. A dream to live, live for my family.

MY PEOPLE, yes my people. My parents, my husband, my special brother and my siblings only matter to me. They always have stood by my side, wanted me to get well, overcome from everything and start a beautiful life. For them it doesn’t matter how I look. For them only relationships matters and I matter as a person.

I have come so far, how can I go back? Specially at a time when my daughters have given 'meaning to my existence' and when I see my DNA growing in front of me I look up to God and thank him, for giving back my identity and my face. I am very lucky to have them in my life and that will help me achieve my goals.
I will do it.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. I believe in myself !!!



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